Monday, August 20, 2012

STAR TREK Pizza Cutters? Silver Surfer Can Openers?! Spider-Man Toasters? Marvel Money-Making Madness!

Since the beginning of pop culture, whether it be the days of pulp mags and radio, or the current media-saturated times we now live in, comics characters have been unmercifully merchandised to death, appearing on such ancillary products as toys, coloring books, clothing, and much more! However, there always existed a certain unspoken line of good taste or practicality, tho, that only a few manufacturers would dare venture over. That no longer seems to be the case, as we look over these recently-proffered pieces of pop pap! For once, I'm gonna comment on these items on a one-by-one basis, so get set! Click images to enlarge!

Not a bad idea, but isn't Cap's shield supposed to be a symbol representing our great country, in addition to being an icon of the well-known comics character? Add the aggressive and unattractive art, and the "thirst Avenger" line, and...Ugh.


What is it about can and bottle openers? Who drinks from old-fashinoned glass bottles anymore? How many comics fans swill Budweiser like it's going out of style? Nice turn of phrase on Galactus' usual "I Hunger" bleat...


Yep. Im sure this is what Matt Jeffries envisioned when sketching out the designs for the famous starship. Actually kinda clever, and you can tell the cutter designer(?!) looked over the shape of the Enterprise and realized it did lend itself to the item, but...Say, why not an Enterprise can opener?! And, do not try to grip my "nacelles," if you please.


Yeah, I know every 3rd rate actress and rapper has a "fragrance" available now, but what exactly does a fictional character smell like? Do comics fans really think they'll snag Mary Jane Watson-caliber chicks if they wear this stuff? Do they really believe Scarlett Johansson will come knocking at their door? Don't answer that.


Does anyone really need to have Spider-Man etched onto food they're about to consume? Does it make your toast taste any better? Will your friends be truly impressed? Isn't it enough to surround yourself with Spidey posters, toys, school supplies, clothing, and comic books? "Toast Spider-Man?!" Sure, this is great for wide-eyed kids, but are these really aimed at the kiddie set? Which brings us to...


..the king of the kitsch hill. The grand-daddy of all juvenile junk. How about toast that brings to mind a vicious, misguided and sad homicidal vigilante? No, I'm not talking about Batman in the current comics, but good ol' Rorschach, from 1986's seminal WATCHMEN graphic novel! Not only is this item a slap to good taste and comic fans, but to WATCHMEN creators Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons, who've carefully tried to maintain a tight grip on how these memorable characters should be used in print and media, let alone in conjunction with cheap junk made to grab a quick buck! The two creators have lost any such battle, since DC also has re-activated the WM charaacters in comics recently...And "Hurm your toast?" Really? Sigh. One more to go...


Just so ya don't think the creation of cheap and useless comics crap is a totally new venture, cast your eyes upon these little beauties, from the late 70s! Hate to say it, but these I'd buy!


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

thanks for posting.